WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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