I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
