you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
