sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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