Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I think my vagina is haunted
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
