I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
