So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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