dude i'm inner monologue high
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
