Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
