hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
