Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
