Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
