I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
