Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
