: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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