friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
