Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
