Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
