I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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