I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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