We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
