I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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