i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
