the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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