did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She told me I should be a condom model.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
