Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
