You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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