if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
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You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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