perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
