why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
