So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
