Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
