You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
