Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
