i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Randomize
