your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
