Im at strip club and am horny
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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