I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize