what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.