Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?