I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
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I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight