You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"