i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
