Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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