Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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