Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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