cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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