R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Small penises have feelings too.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
