He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
