He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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