put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And then he peed in my hair
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
