you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
