I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
