I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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