I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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