Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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