you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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