They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize