dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
