i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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