this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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