We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
