we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
