I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
