I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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