I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I understand Curling. That high.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
