Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
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