My first STD was from a foam party
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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