So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is