The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?