I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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