That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
