Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
