grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Two words: nipple clamps
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