Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
