I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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