I just cut my nipple shaving
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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