It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
