i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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