We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
