fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
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