i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
