New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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