your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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